Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
