Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
