your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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