i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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