how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?