Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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