how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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