When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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