i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize