We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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