Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
