I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You ruined the universe
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
