Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
