did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
