I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
