Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
