apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
