she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize