it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I need moral support for this bender
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
