you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
