im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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