so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
