i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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