I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't put those talents on a resume
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
