He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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