I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
