too bad you live with your parents still
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
