I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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