I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
