Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dicks are not precious.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
