i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
