He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
