My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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