sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
