It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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