omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That accounts for only three of the penises
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
