Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
