Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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