hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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