Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
