In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm having to shit out rocks
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