How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
