Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
