You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My dick has a subreddit
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
