I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
