ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
