I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
