Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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