hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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