He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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