My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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