I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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