i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
