I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
