When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No stitches, just platelets and will power
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
