I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
