Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
