So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
