I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
