btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
