can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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