Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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