What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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