Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
